My niece and I made another pilgrimage to the homeland, Peoria, IL, to visit my dad this week. Not unexpectedly, but still, very sadly, nothing has really changed since he went into the nursing home last October. Our stay allowed me to look around my dad and stepmom’s house with fresh eyes, thinking about the inevitable time she must downsize. They’ve lived there for over 30 years and, as will happen, have accumulated stuff—enough stuff to fill all the closets, drawers, and under-bed storage. There’s also an attic and basement, but they’re not overwhelming.

Everyone has a different approach to saving and letting go. My niece and nephew, unfortunate enough to live with me during several garage cleanouts, would assert that I have rid myself of nothing, just moved it around and reorganized it. I beg to differ and point to two pickup loads that went to the dump. It’s all about perspective.

A friend who was recently widowed has adopted the Swedish Death Cleaning method. She carefully goes through all her possessions and determines which friend or family member might treasure them as she has. Then she gives it to them while she’s still here, rather than after she’s gone, to enjoy their reaction.

Another friend’s mom had been doing a version of this Death Cleaning before it was famous. She keeps a journal, and when her daughters come over, she walks around pointing to different things in the house and asking them if they want them. If yes, the item and corresponding name go into the book. If not, she’ll give it away. She’s also adopted a fierce policy about bringing anything new into the house = it doesn’t happen. This is laudable until something like the can opener breaks, and she refuses to buy another one on principle. This may have driven her daughters to the brink of insanity, though they do appreciate her care for them once she’s gone.

When your time comes, have you given any thought to your possessions, and who would be the fortunate recipients? Or is it all too overwhelming? The internet is full of suggestions for how to pare your earthly goods down to a manageable number. Unfortunately, the task would be like my photo organization. It would be great if I sat down and went through them, categorized them, dated them, identified people, and threw all the rest away.  I know I need to do it, but there are just so many (said in a whiny voice).

I was struck by a friend’s parents, who had quite a few pieces of art and sculpture. They had their five kids go through and put a color-coded (to the child) sticker on anything they hoped to receive after their parents’ passing. His parents then went through their art and decided which child received what. No fights and no hard feelings.

I can’t imagine going through a lifetime of artifacts, but I need to do it on a regular basis. We all should, regardless of our age or health status. It’s one of the most generous gifts we can bestow on those who are left behind. Perhaps I’ll start with the garage.